![]() ![]() It felt like two hours and five minutes of “torture porn” masquerading as mainstream movie-making.Īt one point, Christian says: “I don’t make love…I fuck. My problems with the movie ranged from irritation (ridiculous over-the-top product placements for Apple) to disbelief (Anastasia is a modern-day college senior and she is using a flip-phone, plus she’s a virgin?) to exasperating (she is supposed to be falling in love with this creepy borderline stalker-abuser but she seems mostly uncomfortable in his company).īut most of all, I found “Fifty” demeaning to women to the point that it made my blood boil.Īnastasia is on the cusp of graduating college but she appears not to have a brain cell in her head and is painted as a total dolt, following Christian around like some hapless puppy.Īdd to that a paddling scene that looks more like a vicious beating by an abusive spouse or boyfriend and a sex scene bordering on rape. It was like they were acting in two different movies, each shot separately against a blue screen and then spliced together. ![]() (The difference being that when she failed to follow the specific instructions, she got spanked.)īut there was zero spark or chemistry between the lead characters. What goes on between two consenting adults? Get your freak on, folks.Ĭlown make-up, scuba suits, dripping candle wax: Whatever curls your toes, have at it.īut this movie did almost the impossible: It made sex scenes that were antiseptic, turgid and utterly lacking in heat.Ĭhristian Grey makes Anastasia Steele go through what amounts to some kinky “Simon Says” exercises. To be clear, I am no prude when it comes to sex or nudity.Īs part of a misspent youth, I visited many theaters worthy of the trench-coat crowd and have seen some pretty far-out stuff, sexually speaking. Then my head would have been as vacuous as this movie. ![]() “Careful,” she teased, “or your brains might fall out.” “I’m going to be open-minded,” I replied. As my wife and I sat in the movie theater waiting for “ Fifty Shades of Grey” to begin, she squeezed my hand and said: ![]()
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